I am writing of my experience when I was in the Church of Scientology's highest secular order called, "The Flag Guardian's Office". In order to begin this path of commitment you have to hand over your life for the next billion years. This commitment entails reincarnating yourself, lifetime after lifetime, to L. Ron Hubbard's "Sea Organization". Although I wasn't told of how I would find my Sea Org parents in-between lives, I had faith that the enlightened ones would direct me.

My story isn't meant to harm, harass or judge. I am now sharing my experience, in order to fully recover from the harmful, lingering, effect of the constant fear of attack, upon me, by the Church of Scientology, if I were to speak out. I believe, that in order to continue on my path of healing, that it is important to share this experience with you, now, abandoning my long silence, and to conquer that fear and become whole again..

You see, I was in Scientology's Guardian's Office (which is now renamed the "Office of Special Affairs" or "OSA") and it was our job to attack, subdue, and annihilate any critics or anyone or anything that was in opposition to Scientology.

It would be much easier to be silent and to then just pretend that it never happened, but that is what Scientology wants us to do, that to risk being sued, harassed, and made the target of a L. Ron Hubbard(c) Black PR campaign. Hubbard wrote very specific "Guardian Orders" to craft these tools of fear and suppression in order to snuff out those who are critical or antagonistic to the Church, and dare speak out. I know, this was part of my job.

I was a part of Scientology's Gestapo. I think I felt much like the Nazi Youth did in pre war Germany, full of hope, our heads filled with great promises, "willing to do anything for his Fuehrer".

In Scientology, we all believe that we have the answer to all mankind's problems and whatever got in our way had to be evil, and it wasn't until many years afterwards when I began to shed the false beliefs and the mental programming, which I had so vigorously defended in the name of "truth" and the "for the good of mankind".

It is my intent, by telling you these words, to coming clean and release my chains of fear and guilt. My story takes place quite some time ago, however the Internet has shown me that nothing much has changed as far as using LRH's policies to annihilate and discredit its' critics. It is apparent that the act of disconnection from family and friends is still an awful practice used to this day, in order to further Scientologys quest.

I don't believe that Scientology is capable of changing in any way whatsoever. L. Ron Hubbard wrote volumes of management and technical policies and wavering from them in any way is promised to bring certain "death". We had to get practically every word of LRH's policies checked out using his E-meter, so that never could we stray from doing exactly what he wrote. So I don't expect anything much to change other than, from time to time, the continued renaming of the various front groups and departments that need re-cloaking.

I'm not a writer or a lawyer. The events described herein are as I personally experienced them, without embelishment. Sometimes the truth is stranger than any fiction.

I was attending San Jose State University as an Aviation transfer student from Northrop Institute of Technology in about 1977. I met this girl in one of my classes and she was very pretty and asked me if I wanted to study with her. I met her at the student union in the center of the university. She began to tell me about her dreadful blood disease and how she had to get regular blood transfusions. She said it was a fatal disease however Scientology had this amazing "tech" that would cure her. She said that through Scientology auditing with the e-meter they could release the mental condition that caused this disease in the first place. She said auditing was very expensive but worth anything to save her life. She had asked me to attend one of the San Jose Scientology Mission lectures on "Communication" with her.

It was sort of a bait and switch. Once we arrived at the Scientology Mission she said she had already seen this lecture and that she would wait outside until it was over. The lecture claimed how I could climb the Scientology Bridge into enlightenment i.e. "Cause Over Life". Wow, I never thought of enlightenment before nor ever being cause over life. It was hard enough for me to get though any college courses to think about such "lofty goals". It was a hard sale lecture with intermissions consisting of several "successful" Scientologists who were assigned to me in order to "find my ruin".

Your "Ruin" was something that happened in your past that contained "harmful energy" causing you to make destructive decisions or actions in your life. It wasn't long before one of the "intermissions" that a Scientologist found my ruin of being a poor college student. Presto, once the lecture was over, a "Registrar" that was assigned to me had me signed up for the inexpensive "Communications Course" of 50 dollars. Pretty soon I realized how messed up I was and soon how LRH was the messiah and with his "tech" that could cure my aberrations and set me free for eternity! I cashed in my father's endowment that was for college and spent thousands towards these lofty abilities shown to me on the L. Ron Hubbard Bridge to Total Freedom.

What's it like going from normal fun loving college student to hard core, save the planet type of mentality you may ask. It was intense to say the least, however what a rush and feeling of superiority, power and purpose in life. I was encouraged by the "Ethics Officer" to disconnect from my mother and girlfriend, as they were "antagonistic" to me being in Scientology. I was told that I can't achieve these states of awareness if I remained connected to people who are "suppressive." So of course I did.

My service contract read one billion years to L. Ron Hubbard's Sea Org. I was told that Hubbard likes to remain at sea where he could be "Fabian". Supposedly that meant you couldn't get attacked if you keep moving. I later learn this tactic in the infamous Guardian's Office. I never new how I'd find my next Scientology parents after I reincarnate but I was sure the "enlightened ones" at the top of "The Bridge" would one day fill me in.

I quickly found out that you can't "go on leave" until your "statistics" were up, passed all the "Security Checks," (a very special kind of auditing.) If you ever thought of "leaving" or of harmful thoughts about the church you might as well say good by to your vacation until you were "handled". The E-meter was very successful in "reading" people who wanted or even thought of wanting to leave. I didn't have much problems as I was so gung ho and I was so disconnected from friends and family that leaving was never an issue for me.

I started out my Sea Org contract in the Flag's Guardian's Office in Clearwater Florida as an "expeditor" for all the Guardian management departments. It wasn't until I was officially "cleared" with all the necessary "Security Check Auditing" before I held a post behind the "locked door". I figured I worked in this expeditor unit for about several months. Deva Holeman also worked with me in this expeditor unit and was there for about a year. In the G.O. you couldn't have any history of drug use, or prior religious connections. Deva had a hard time trying to get into the G.O. for whatever reasons, which we never would talk about (as we were quite afraid to discuss such matters). Eventually she finally got her petition approved from the Guardian (Jane Kember at the Saint Hill Manor in England) to work inside the "locked door". Jane Kember and Mary Sue Hubbard were the top World Wide Guardians at this time.

It wasn't long after being assigned a position in the Guardian Office as a Public Relations Director that Jane Kember was being extradited to the Untied States for some kind of trial. I never knew exactly what trials were taking place because we were always told, "it's all a bunch of lies designed by Suppressive Persons and Interpol to attack and persecute us". So I'd just believe the story and keep plugging away at my never-ending work.

Nancy Ritz was the Guardian of the Flag Land Base in Clearwater Florida. Milton Wolfe was the Assistant Guardian of Public Relations, with his wife Laura Wolfe as his assistant. The intelligence office or "Info Bureau" was filled with staff; Kora Ritchie or her husband Rich Richie was the Assistant Guardian of Intelligence. They had Doug and Nancy Sadwick who really did undercover work, which I never was allowed to know. I just remember Doug going to jail for some kind of grand jury investigation and his refusal to co-operate with authorities. I was never allowed to visit Doug while he was in jail. I was told that I was disparately needed to continue my hard work to stop the evil SP's from doing in planet Earth.

Randy Baxter and Molley Baxter also worked Info Bureau however Molly took Nancy Ritz's position of the Flag Guardian when Nancy went "over the Rainbow" (some secret place where LRH was). Another lady by the name of Nancy and Diane Bush also worked "internal intelligence". Internal Intelligence was really an underhanded way of collecting personal "auditing files" of church parishioners. GO Intelligence staff would go through them looking for anyone disaffected or a "possible trouble source" with the Church. In the expeditor unit I was always getting parishioner's "Confidential PC Files" for the internal info bureau folks. Info Bureau had tons of files on people inside the Church as well as outside the Church. Whenever a "Dead Agent Package" was needed to discredit any foe of the Church it could easily be prepared with all the "confessional PC Files". I was first shocked that the GO would use trusted or "sacred" personal files against their own, but in the name of saving the planet it was justified.

Another Lady who really seemed me to be a "heavy hitter" was Cass Baker. She seemed like Darth Vader. She still works for the GO (now name changed to Office of Special Affairs). She works at the "secret hideaway" in Twin Peaks, California. I think she now guards all of LRH's Tech in underground tunnels at this mountain resort. Supposedly LRH's Tech Bulletins are on some golden tablets buried deep inside tunnels meant to withstand a global nuclear war.

The Legal Bureau was heavily staffed as well. Phillip Parks was the Assistant Guardian of Legal. He had a crew of folks working for him. Enid Parks (his wife), Ted (Wilson?), Peter Conway, Rick Alba, and maybe a couple of others I forget.

Then there was the Social Coordination Unit. This unit was the social veneer for the Church. Diane and her husband Randy ran this unit. These folks sent me on various missions. They had to generate "positive press" for the church in Clearwater. The PR Bureau would do "LRH Surveys" to find out what the WOG's (slang term for "raw public") hated or didn't like. One time it was the IRS. Well then an IRS Campaign was formulated called, "Audit the IRS". Deva and I were sent on cavalcades handing out "Audit the IRS" balloons in front of all the courthouses and federal buildings in southern Florida. The St. Pete Times and the Clearwater Sun carried a lot of this phony PR Stuff and we got lots of "Theta Press Articles" (these were our statistics used for calculating whether we were "upstat" and allowed a day off, or to determine whether we were allowed a Leave in the future).

Deva and I were usually "spokesmen" for the ACHG Organization (American Citizen for Honesty in Government), Narconon, United Churches of Florida, or Freedom News Journal etc. The Social Coordination Dept. had all the letterheads for whatever operation was needed. ACHG, or Narconon, or United Churches of Florida, Freedom New Journal, etc., whatever social issue could get positive press for the church we would do some mission. I recall some kind of Garbage Collector strike was going on in Clearwater and we were sent to the streets cleaning up garbage. The PR Department had press releases all sent out with our pictures to show how concerned the Church was in the "Beautification of Clearwater". Positive Press, whatever it took. LRH's GO orders were to out generate the negative press with "theta press". And of course do whatever it takes.

My Beginning G.O. Capers

There were several capers that come to mind that I recall that were meant to "discredit" our enemies. Supposedly the US Government was out to destroy us and we had to discredit them. News would always come from "up lines". I use to think it was all generated by the GO geniuses however from the Kingfisher Mission (later discussed) I was told that the CMO (LRH's private organization) was well aware of everything going on. One of our staff meetings Nancy Ritz ordered the SoCo (Social Coordination) Dept to "expose" governmental crimes. This always gets good press and positions us as the good guys. The GO intelligence operatives used the Freedom of Information act all the time and found some dirt regarding how the CIA used chemical testing of "BZ" on unwitting US Soldiers. This was the hot press items for Deva and I to go on cavalcades with Gas Masks and "Freedom News Journals" exposing the evil nasty US Government. The whole idea per LRH GO policies were to "position" us as the good guys and discredit the agencies trying to investigate or do us harm. I think the IRS got a lot of our attacks was because the Church wanted tax-exempt status.

Nancy Ritz ordered another mission regarding our Clearwater Mayor, Gabe Cazares. Nancy Reitz received intelligence of a meeting of Gabe Cazares at a meeting of the Veterans of Foreign Wars. Mayor Cazares unbeknownst to me had already suffered from fake hit and run incidents and was targeted for harassment. Diva Holeman and I were told by Nancy Reitz to disrupt this meeting by going to his VFW meeting and handing out "Freedom News Journals" to the people coming to hear Gabe speak. We arrived sometime before the meeting started and handed out Freedom News Journals in the parking lot. Once the meeting got started Deva and I attended the meeting as a spy. Not a very good one at that because even though we sat at the very back of the room, Gabe had spotted us and was very upset that we were in there. It's funny looking back to think that we could just "blended in" and go unnoticed. That's how arrogant we were.

Mayor Gabe Cazares told the meeting that he would not speak if those "spies" were not removed from the back of the room. I stood up and said something stupid like, I just wanted to hear what you had to say, and pretended I wasn't a spy. Deva Holeman and I were asked to leave by a few of the members in the back, which we did. Once returning to the G.O. we had to "Debrief" to Nancy Reitz. Every caper had to be debriefed.

Around 1981 the evil Clearwater Sun was going to run some article that had some top secret upper "O.T. level" information in the morning edition. I believe it was Deva and I that were assigned to clearing out every Clearwater Sun Newspaper rack and stand in Clearwater. We were told that if the Clearwater citizens read this upper material that they could get sick and die. Supposedly this OT Level stuff would "restimulate" a very powerful "Engram" (a very harmful charged incident in your unconscious mind). Wow, that's how powerful this stuff was, and Deva and I had to save the town from complete destruction. Somehow we did our duty and thanks to us the Clearwater population didn't roll over and die. However the funny thing was that those other thousands of readers who somehow did read those articles never did get sick or die. But then again I wouldn't of known because it was a written Sea Org order at Flag that all television sets were to be removed .

I remember being sent to the GO World Wide in East Grinstead England and doing the PR Course. I stayed at David and Sheila Gaiman's house. David was the Guardian World Wide of Public Relations at that time. He worked under the Guardian World Wide, Jane Kember. From what I understood, Mary Sue Hubbard was really the head Guardian honcho but had to be legally separate from the Church.

Scientologists were not legally allowed into the United Kingdom when I was ordered to go there. Of course Nancy Reitz had to drill me on how to lie to British authorities before I arrived. I was a "tourist" and that was the "shore story" (LRH's terminology for telling folks an "acceptable" truth i.e. Lie). I was taking the GO Public Relations Course, but several things were taking place, which kept me there for quite some time. The Falkland Island War was going on in the world and the Church feared that American Sea Org members might get drafted. I was young, about 21, and the USA Sea Org had required anyone who might get drafted to take the Minister's course.

This way we could avoid the draft by being an Ordained Minister. Although this interrupted my PR Course, this wasn't a problem for me as I enjoyed staying at the Saint Hill Manor, LRH's house.

I remember going into LRH's study, just as he left it. His library was filled with books. I remember seeing lots and lot of books but there were a quite a few that really shocked me at first, those were the ones on Witchcraft and one called "CIA Mind Control Manual". I very very cautiously asked some authority figure why would he read these kinds of books. Well his answer was that LRH had to know what the enemy was up to and had to become familiar with their tactics. Of course I believed it and thought how clever LRH was.

During this time in England I met Andre. He was a GO WW INFO Officer and just as gung ho as I was. I believe he was in charge of the entire World Wide Intelligence network. Anyway one day he asked me to go with him to smuggle vitamins into France. Andre was loading up his Peugeot with Niacin Pills and other vitamins for the latest LRH Purification Rundown, which required lots of vitamins. (These vitamins were from David Gaiman's vitamin shop). France supposedly didn't allow certain vitamins without a doctor's prescription and Andre was sent on Mission to illegally supply France with these special vitamins.

I asked my course supervisor to release me for special GOWW Intelligence operations. Andre wanted me to be the tourist and smuggle the special vitamins in with him in his Peugeot across the English Channel. I wasn't allowed to go, as a major "Flap" was occurring and I was needed to assist. Jane Kember was being extradited to the US on fraud and illegal breaking into US government offices and lots of bad press was going on in the UK. So the UK church had to generate positive PR to outdo the bad PR. It was always a matter of "out producing" the bad PR as our statistic.

One of my England Missions of generating positive press were to find who was the "opinion leader" in education and get that person to endorse Scientology. I had to use LRH's PR Policies on PR Area Control, which is to find the local opinion leader through "surveys" and then get the info bureau to get intelligence on them. i.e. thru hiring private eyes or "whatever". And convince the opinion leader to endorse Scientology. And if they were to speak badly about Scientology I'm sure there was enough intelligence dirt to convince them to do otherwise. Although I wasn't in the department of dirty tricks, my job was being a young good looking blue-eyed puppet used as a front piece.

LRH Guardian Orders were very specially written on light blue paper with dark blue ink. And at the bottom only "R" was typed at the bottom. LRH was not legally allowed to be connected to the Church let alone the Guardian's Office because he was to be protected at all cost. The "Shore Story" was that he no longer consulted or directed the affairs of the Church. So his Guardian Office Policies Letters were disguised this way in case the GO were to ever be raided again, LRH wouldn't be connected.

However when I went back to the US I remembered having to cut every "R" from every "Blue on Blue" Policy letter to further hide LRH's connection to the GO. Paranoia was always the mind set inside the GO, and just as much in the Church's Sea Org. The fact remains that Hubbard crafted and designed the Guardians Office.

I was transferred from the Public Relations Bureau to the Legal Bureau because there were so many legal "flaps" going on and the first big mission I was sent on was to re incorporate the Scientology Churches. I was told from Jackie McKinley who was the financial executive from the CMO International Missionary Organization. She told me the reason was to shelter the church's money from legal suits by restructuring the corporate status of the Florida and California churches. She said it wouldn't change anything regarding the command lines, just a "WOG" thing.

This was a big mission where Phillip Parks the Flag Legal G.O. Guardian was my boss and he put together legal articles of incorporation for the C of S in Florida and separated out the United Churches of Florida, and detached corporately from the C of S of California. Phillip also put together articles of incorporation for various other W.I.S.E. organizations. The whole idea was for me to go to Delaware and file all these new articles of incorporation because Delaware State laws protect corporations somehow from disclosing much information or tax law protection. I wasn't sure why Delaware but I was the man to fly up there and file these new articles and then fly down to Tallahassee Florida and file the and new Church and WISE articles of incorporation as Foreign Corporations doing business in Florida.

This was quite a mission for me, as I didn't have any real corporate legal training whatsoever. We were just assigned to do something and we just did it. I remember the clothes I use to wear. Just run of the mill thrift shop special jeans and old shirts. I remember Laura Wolfe the PR Rep. complaining about my clothes needing improvement for the public and I was awarded a very small allowance to get some "corporate clothes". I remember going back to the local thrift store and putting together some hideous fashion concoction for my big corporate legal missions. It wasn't because I wanted to look weird; my mindset was always how I could save the Church money. Sea Org members went to great lengths to save money for the Church. One time there was a Flag Order to only take 3-minute showers to save money on water and gas bills. People got com ev'd (the Church's justice system, called a "Committee of Evidence") if they violated these orders.

I felt like a million bucks standing in line of the Delaware State Corporations Division with several high dollar lawyers. The gentleman next to me was smoking a Havana Cigar and told me was the corporate lawyer for the MGM Grand Hotel in Las Vegas. He really was dying to know what I was doing there, as my hobo type of clothing just didn't fit in with all the Pierre Cardin and designer attire. I was very secretive about what I was doing which really drove this guy nuts. I thought to myself that these hotshot lawyers are probably making hundreds of thousands of dollars and I'm doing the same stuff for $17.50 …..a week.

As everything always generated from "up lines", Phillip Parks received an order during all this restructure to open up foreign bank accounts so the church could transfer millions and millions of dollars of Church money and assets to these overseas accounts. Phillip told me that his orders were from LRH's CMO that when LRH dies he wants to come back and get all his money so he can continue his mission here on Earth to clear the planet. There were two countries that Phillip and I applied to open up these foreign bank accounts. One account was in Liechtenstein and the other was in Europe as well. I'm pretty sure it was Lisbon Spain. The account was to have LRH and a couple of other people as well. I believe they were Pat and Annie Broker, Miscavage, and some other name I was unfamiliar with. I recall asking Phillip who Pat and Annie Broker were and why aren't they in the Sea Org. This bothered Phillip as well, however he gave me some kind of answer like they were "over the rainbow next to Ron and for legal protection it would be better that way". I dismissed it like any good brainwashed soldier.

In Dianetics, Hubbard wrote about how terrible abortions are yet while I was in the GO Internal Legal Bureau there were more abortions going on than you could imagine. Many of the Sea Org members were going down to the local free clinic to get their abortions that news got to the info bureau that showed how we were the number 1 group of folks getting abortions at the free clinic! So somehow I was assigned to regulate the number of Sea Org personnel using the free clinic. There were so many that basically they had to be driven to other cities for their abortions, so that the volume of abortions would not call attention to Flag.

I figured someone must have written to a public figure about this phenomenon and since the info bureau monitors all the public letters to public officials that a mission was set up to handle this. It was quite common for me to be sent to the courthouse or some public officials' office and demand to see all the letters that were sent in regarding Scientology. Since all letters were considered public documents, I would legally photocopy all the local letters that were antagonistic towards the Church and hand them over to the Info Bureau. They would be able to target the "Entheta terminals" in the community and handle them. I figure someone must have written about the abortions, which necessitated the transporting of pregnant mothers to various Florida free clinics.

This was the straw that broke the camel's back for me and was my wake up call. I was in the Guardian's Office Legal Bureau when the CMO Int launched this mission. This was about 1981. I had already been in the GO for about 3 years when this one came down. I worked under Phillip Parks who was in charge of the Legal Bureau at Flag. He was an old time Scientologist and actually worked as LRH's "Port Captain" on the ship. I use to idolize him because he knew LRH personally. Phillip surprised me one day when I said, "your so lucky to have worked for the "old man". He said privately to me, "Gary, everyone was scared to death working for him. If something didn't go his was he would come completely unglued. I would try to avoid him as much as possible".

There were several legal cases going on at the time, which I don't remember. What I do remember is that we were losing so many legal battles that the CMO Int sent in the Kingfisher Mission, and this was headed by Doris Hoyseth. She was another lady about the same age as Phillip and smoked Doral Cigarettes one after the other.

Legally Phillip denied all the wrong doings in regards to the Legal cases he was working on, and I was pretty much was an expeditor for him at this time. Doris said the reason Flag were doing so badly in the courts was because we really didn't know the truth and the Kingfisher Mission was here to give us the real truth so we could maybe win a case or two. The mission was first only to interrogate us on the E-meter to find out what we knew and what we didn't know. After the LRH CMO Missionairs compiled all the info on us we privately meet with Doris to discuss what was needed.

Since I dealt mostly with internal legal issues, like trying to hide the fact that we sleep 12 people to a room from the local officials, I was only allowed to ask limited questions pertaining to my post. I remember sitting down with Doris and she asked me if there is anything that I would like to cleaned up. I asked about Mayor Gabe Cazares and asked if the rumor was true about the GO staging a hit and run on him. She said yes. I asked why was the mayor being set up? Doris only wanted to answer yes or no questions but knew she had to tell me something more. "He is an SP and had to be removed from office."

There were a few more questions that I asked Doris as I was pretending to act like what she just told me didn't scare me to death. She told me of some other illegal acts but I was in a state of shock and trying to hide the fact I wanted to "blow" (leave with approval). This is where my life began to unravel. I knew it wouldn't be long before the E-meter would expose my "withhold" of wanting to leave.

I delicately tried to discussed with my wife about possibly moving back home to Southern California, she seemed like she might be interested but she only discussed this with me to get all the facts so she could write up a "Knowledge Report" ( also called a KR) to the GO Ethics Officer for "handling".

She had turned me in and it wasn't long before I was ordered into the RPF for "Crossing Command Intention" by wanting to leave. Wanting to leave is a very serious offense and requires stiff and immediate handlings.

Per LRH people who wanted to leave had "overts" or committed harmful acts and are trying to "blow" i.e. leave. Of course believing in the "tech", I had to be the bad evil person and leaving would allow the universe to continue it's downward spiral. How can you leave when the consequences are so dire? So I believed it was all me and went with the program.

The conditions were similar to Nazi prison camps. We were isolated into the Ft. Harrison's garage to sleep and do our rehabilitative work and study. Cardboard walls were erected with sectioned off bunk beds and classroom areas. It looked like a makeshift Tijuana shantytown. We were only allowed to wear dark blue clothing and many times wear a dirty yellow rag armband to signify to the other church members that you were a "liability" to the group. We must have had around 30 people in this group when I was there and none of the RPF'ers were allowed to speak to church staff or parishioners outside of this group. We were to be isolated while we completed our program of salvation. The days were long and hard and rarely did we have time to visit our family. We were supposedly allowed one hour a day called "family time" to visit our family and children but the days were so long and hard, "family time" was very rare. It was like being in jail.

I remember I was put on kitchen detail where very early in the morning a huge truck would pull up at the Ft. Harrison with a large enclosed bed. I was put inside of the back in complete darkness with about 4 other RPF'ers. We were driven to someplace in Tampa, Florida to a large outdoor market where Ron Rathburn (the head of the Flag Kitchen and serving the Sea Org staff) would buy all the food.

Hundreds of heads of lettuce, tomatoes, fruit, canned goods etc. we loaded into the enclosed truck. After all the produce was all piled in we had to ride in the back with the food, completely in the dark and not allowed to talk to one another. And if we did that constituted that we were still unethical, and untrustworthy people deserving the RPF and needing "rehabilitating". I did this trip many times for many months.

In the evening, if we didn't get stuck having to do all-nighter stuff for the CMO, or other orgs, we co-audited. Ed Bivens was my twin (partner) and the only place we were allowed to audit was in the absolute basement of the Ft. Harrison Hotel where the huge boilers howled and was used to heat the hotel. I remember the boiler room being well over 100 degrees, and Ed and I audited each other with rats and palmetto bugs always scampering around us.

My wife Kelly Weber ended up in the RPF as well. She worked for the Executive Director International, Kerry Gleason. He was one of the top church officials. Kelly was ordered to go "over the rainbow". This meant she was to be sent to a secret location for LRH's CMO. It was considered a privilege to go "over the rainbow" but Kelly tried so hard to not go, as she wanted to be with her newborn child and me. Kelly was forced to go. When Kelly arrived at this secret headquarters (either in Hemet or Twin Peaks California, she never was allowed to tell but her bus ticket home was from this location) she did something so daring and so courageous that to this day I admire her for. She waited until she had enough money for a bus ticket home to Florida and "Blew". This was a capital offense! You just don't know how much strength it took to do this. She was immediately RPF'ed. I'm sure she figured that being in the RPF would allow her to be near her family.

Click image to see images of two letters

Little did she know that she would end up in the RPF's RPF! It was degrading enough to be in the RPF but the RPF's RPF! I use to admire Kelly for her strong will and motherly instincts but the RPF's RPF broke her. I can still recall seeing her inside those large commercial trash dumpsters for hours on end scrubbing the inside smelly walls with a small brush. She even had to be isolated from other RPF'ers and could only talk with her handler. She eventually broke and was never the same after that. It's strange, that even though she totally surrendered her will, she never managed to "produce" the way the Church wanted her to and she eventually got "Fitness Boarded" (that's when you kicked out and left on shore and the ship would sail away).

Kelly was now outside the Church with an enormous Freeloader Debt. This debt is issued out to any Sea Org member who leaves to pay back all services and training delivered because the policy stated something to the effect that if you leave than you were probably were on staff just for the free church services. So you have to pay it all back before you can ever think of getting back on The Bridge to Total Freedom. I believe to this day Kelly is still trying to pay off her Freeloader Debt by getting commission for people she gets on the Bridge or into the Org. We no longer communicate as she managed to get our daughters into the church and Sea Org and it wasn't long before the disconnection letters came.

However, back to the RPF story. In the RPF I think we only got paid $5.00 per week and it was to pay for you our basics & toiletries, which we were allowed one morning per week to purchase and do our laundry. This was called CSP time. "Clean Ship Program" I believe. While Kelly and I were in the RPF we traded off seeing our daughter Rhiannon. Sometimes we were together during that hour.

Most of my RPF auditing was "confessionals" type of auditing. Every wrong doing overt, harmful thought, or any thought in my mind was explored ruthlessly with the E-meter. There was nothing left inside me that wasn't turned inside out. I worked hard to find out why I was such a bad person for wanting to leave and allow this planet to fall deeper into the evil dwindling spirals of the Evil Suppressive Person. Eventually I got out of the RPF and was redeemed. I want to say I was in the RPF for a year but time was not something we kept track of. However it didn't take very long before I still wanted to leave and landed back in.

When I went back into the RPF I remember the Mission Holder meetings were being held at the Sandcastle Hotel. This is where the CMO called in all the mission holders from around the US and Europe. The CMO told us that the various Church Mission Holders were supposedly undermining the Sea Org and they concluded that the Mission holders were Evil SP's. From what I recall the issue was that the small missions wouldn't send their "PC's" to Flag for their expensive upper levels. This cut into the Flag Land Base's Gross Income. If we didn't receive one million dollars per week the Flag Service Orgs were ordered to eat rice and beans for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Kelly was pregnant with our second daughter and somehow she was allowed to bend the rules.

I recall Miscavige and Rick Aznaran were a few of those in charge of "handling" these "evil" mission holders. The CMO had taken control of the RPF and they were in charge of locking the Mission Holders against their will inside their Sandcastle hotel rooms. I was ordered by the CMO to stand guard and if they tried to escape I was to physically force them back into their room until CMO Auditors came to "pull their overts and withholds" against the church and humanity.

People were "blowing" all over the Sea Org. Kerry Gleason the Executive Director International asked me while I was in the RPF to fix his car. The RPF Boson approved this, as he was such a high ranking official, but the next day he took his family and left. Carl Carlson the FSO Executive Director and his family "blew" in the middle of the night. Even Diana Hubbard supposedly blew but was "recovered". I wanted so desperately to leave as well but my pregnant wife was still so dedicated to the Sea Org that she always pleaded with me to "clean yourself up like I'm doing".

I couldn't get rid of that feeling of wanting to leave no matter how many hundreds of hours of auditing. I had to make a decision to leave, which would mean getting out without my pregnant wife and daughter. The other problem was where would I go. I was so disconnected from friends and family there was no place to go. I couldn't just "blow" as I would get declared an SP and that meant Kelly could never be allowed to speak to me again. So I tried to leave gracefully.

However there was no graceful way of leaving the Sea Org. A special Church legal hearing was called and convened to see if I was an SP. Of course all my private "confessionals" were used as evidence in this Kangaroo Court. However strangely enough, my fellow RPF'ers delivered an innocent verdict of being an SP. This enraged the CMO and they soon dispatched two executives Jeannie Lacardi and Ken Anderson to reconvene the Comm Ev and "convince" the members to issue out the SP Declare. Mark Pope the Comm Ev Chairman was very reluctant to go against what he felt was right however I believe the threat of longer RPF sentences were used to ensure the reversal and issue of the SP Declare. Why the CMO was overseeing my execution was probably because they felt I was purvey to many of the crimes of the CMO and the Guardian's Office. I'm sure they were in charge of either breaking my will by using my family as another tool to ensure that I would never talk.

Ken and Jeanine had me in a secluded dark closet made out of those funky cardboard boxes and just tore me apart with my newly issued SP Declare. I remember them going over and over how that if I were to ever speak of what went on that they "would personally take care of me". I figured they thought that after hours of Gestapo type of character assassination I would of eventually surrender that last shed of hope of leaving. However I did manage to hang on to "something" but it wasn't what those Missionairs wanted. But I did hang on to the fears of what they would do if I ever spoke of what happened to me. It was late and dark and I was leaving in the early morning. I had hardly any sleep for several days, as what little sleep I managed to get was interrupted with nightmares of losing my family, having hardly any money and no where to go.

It had felt like a spiritual rape that took place long ago, and I had carefully managed to keep these events locked away in the dungeons of my mind. Who would want to tell others of such things and wouldn't my sanity of staying in such an awful situation really be in question?

When I was in the GO PR Bureau I met a Clearwater Public Official named Don Mains. I don't recall what he did other than putting together some kind of Dizzy Gillespie Concerts in the Clearwater Park, and was organizing a "Spirit of Life" promotion for Clearwater, where hang gliders were suppose to fly from Chicago to Clearwater to celebrate man's spirit of life. We met one time at a soda shop and Don and I had somehow become friends. We met every once in a while at this soda shop and talked about all sorts of spiritual topics.

When I left the Church that morning (excommunicated and declared an SP per the Church), I had nowhere to go. I don't remember what I did until later that night when I remember being at a local Clearwater liquor store parking lot calling my mother for help and to send money. She was still so angry with me for disconnecting from her and probably didn't believe me that I really wanted to leave. She told me, "You made your bed, so now you sleep in it". Click. I didn't realize that the bottom had no bottom. . To make matters worse when I left the liquor store parking lot I realized that I left my wallet on top of the pay phone. When I returned about 15 minutes later my wallet was gone. I was broke and broken.

I used the last of my change in my pocket to call Don Mains. I asked if I could stay with him. I figured he'd say no and the only other option I was thinking was to go to the Clearwater Police Station to find some kind of shelter for the homeless. Miraculously he said, "Sure, Come on over". I told him that I couldn't pay him. He told me not to worry and come on over. If it wasn't for the kindness of this man I don't believe I would of made it through the night.

For Don to help me was far beyond just food and shelter. He was in the political circles of Clearwater and helping me would have certainly derailed his political career. The Clearwater climate was absolute hostile towards Scientologists because of the recent scandal of the Church's smear campaigns waged against the Mayor Gabe Gazares became exposed, plus the Mary Sue Hubbard and others going to jail for various crimes, plus a major grand jury with Ron DeWolfe (LRH's son) exposing other crimes, etc. had taken place. Not a place to be for a wondering Scientologist.

Don helped me get a job and loaned me money to get started. My first job was selling vacuum cleaners door to door. Don would call his friends and let me set up appointments with them to do my vacuum presentations. Looking back, I think he may have asked them to help me out and buy a vacuum cleaner from me. If it wasn't for those beginning sales and his unconditional friendship I don't know if I ever would of made it.

My Road to Recovery

For a long time afterward I never would allow myself to learn or study other belief systems because I was so afraid of being brainwashed again. It wasn't until I began to read and hear about other similar stories to mine that I felt such a deep personal relief that, "I wasn't the only one". So I want to thank those who have previously had the courage to share their storys and thank them for giving me the courage to tell mine.

I also began to read and open myself up to the real power of Love and Forgiveness, which Don Mains had demonstrated to me many moons ago. It wasn't until I was able to forgive myself did I begin to undo the harmful effects I experienced so long ago. To this day when I read about suicide bombers in the name of religion, or the Taliban, or Osama Bin Ladin, I could have been one of these poor unfortunate souls who really believed they were doing Gods' work or saving the planet. This trap of fanaticism of feeling your on the side of truth and justice seems so common place in the world today. Jesus Christ taught that we are to love our brother like ourselves. Don Mains demonstrated this principle and made a believer out of me.

Thanks for allowing me to share my story.

With Apology, Love and Forgiveness.

Gary Weber
Garyweber1@msn.com

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