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[music intro]
HOWARD STERN: All right, good morning, everybody. It’s your pal, it’s Monday morning and--
[voice sound effect--"Yeah, baby!"]
HOWARD: Uh, I’m a little, uh, disconcerted because I’m sitting here reading the Enquirer about how Kirstie Alley is out of control--
[sound effect of cow mooing]
HOWARD: She has ballooned up to a nasty 200 lbs and--I’m getting all the details. Call me the top yenta. That’s right--yenta callabenta, yenta callabenta being the top yenta. Do you know that--
ROBIN QUIVERS: I find her fascinating--
HOWARD: Me, too--
ROBIN: Because she has this pretty little face--
HOWARD: Yeah, she’s got a big belly!--
ROBIN: In spite of all that stuff--
HOWARD: Look at the gut on her!
ROBIN: I know.
HOWARD: Oh, man, it’s like a beer belly. Yikes!
ROBIN: Well, that’s what I said, you know; you look at the promos for her show--
HOWARD: Yeah--
ROBIN: Where she was thin--
HOWARD: Yeah--
ROBIN: And then you look at the show where she’s fat--
HOWARD: Yeah--
ROBIN: And, like, well, how did that happen?
HOWARD: She don’t care, she don’t care that she’s fat.
[laughter]
HOWARD: That’s what it says here, that’s why she’s out of control--
ROBIN: She doesn’t care?
HOWARD: She’s so in love with her new boyfriend that when he’s away from her--
ROBIN: She just eats.
HOWARD: She has to eat because she can’t comfort herself, she’s so anxiety-ridden.
ROBIN: Where’s he going?
HOWARD: She’s very healthy, I gotta say--
ROBIN: Yeah--
HOWARD: I don’t know where he’s going, but get him near her.
ROBIN: Yeah, keep him by her at all times.
HOWARD: Yeah. That’s amazing. What does that say about your self-esteem when your boyfriend’s away from you, you have to eat?
ROBIN: Well, what does that say about Scientology?
HOWARD: Hey, there you go! There you go; anti-Scientology--
[laughter]
HOWARD: Nice!
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